Unscripted Notes from our unscripted study session
The Suddenness of Grief
The week of Thanksgiving saw tragedy rear its head in our community. Thus, there was no study session on Friday. Instead, there was deep grief as we mourned with family and friends the loss of a wonderful husband, father, son, and friend.
The loss came suddenly—an unannounced tragedy that will not pass away anytime soon.
There are moments when the reality of this family’s loss hits me square in the gut. There are no words. Just groaning prayers. Death is final. You can’t run the tap back.
This is the time of year meant to raise glasses in thanksgiving. For family and friends and “the harvest.” But I’m reminded that many people we live life with daily are walking through loss, grief, and quiet pain. I want to live more “aware” of the pain in others. More in tune with the quiet despair that so many people struggle through—much of the time in anonymity.
The Distractions of our Souls
Following the Thanksgiving holiday, I took off for Oklahoma City with my family to speak with students, faculty, and parents about beauty, wonder, and the things that keep us from leaning into them.
One lovely eighth grader raised her hand after the assembly and asked if there was beauty in grief. I sat stunned by the depth of the question and also the timing of it. I told her the story of our friend who passed the week before. Later I found out that this young girl lost her mom to cancer just five years earlier.
After the assembly, we exchanged hugs and tears, and I thought about how precious God was for bringing her into my life with her poignant question and beautiful spirit. She told me that she had learned to see beauty in grief. Later that night, I met her father, and through tears, he told me about their situation and how they lean into God in their grief and how God turns grief and loss into beauty.
One question posed to me was: “What keeps us from pursuing beauty in our daily lives.”
I responded with: I believe our biggest battle is with distractions—from our phones, televisions, computers, and from our jammed packed schedules. We are being programmed to live fragmented lives. Our minds are conditioned to interpret the world through a device. We live isolated from the natural world and wonder why we feel so much despair.
Another topic came up when I was asked about what advice I’d give to the seniors. I told them that I would let myself be inspired. I’d let myself be sincere and love deeply.
What I’ve discovered—and I’ll be writing much more about this in my next book (Lord willing!)—is that the young adults emerging from high school and college are unwilling to let themselves feel deeply—they are dealing with a mental and spiritual numbness. They wince at trying too hard, lest someone see them and their failures. I’ve seen this on the volleyball court and have talked with parents about how their children don’t even want to get their licenses for fear of messing up or failing their driving test.
We were not meant to be closed up in our hearts, only allowing our passions out when it is safe. We were made to push into the frontiers of life with passion. God made us to run the boundaries and expand our horizons, not close ourselves in for fear that someone might see us mess up.
This is a by-product of “the stage” culture we live in. When the whole world is a stage, we do not feel free to be who God made us to be. We do not feel free to try hard, to be sincere, or passionate. Instead, we cower back for fear that someone will see us mess up and that the world will see us fail. What a tragedy.
I spoke with passion—I may have even yelled!—and pleaded with the seniors to forget what they think people might be thinking or seeing. Live your life, I told them, and let yourself care deeply for things!
One senior girl’s eyes got big, and I could tell she wanted permission to live this way and to show others to live that way as well. She raised her hand and asked how she could inspire the younger student-athletes in her school to be passionate players. What a fantastic conversation!
Community Conversation
What do you think about the emerging generation and their fear of living life to the fullest? Do you see this phenomenon in your state or community?
What do you think contributes to this kind of thinking—this kind of fear developing in young people’s lives?
How can we help young people step out from under this yoke? What is the antidote to this brooding apathy pulling their hearts away?
Get Caught Up with Past Posts
The Year We Set Sail: In which I send my dreams to heaven and invite you to come along.
This is a manifesto post that relays the vision for this newsletter and for my writing for the coming year.
The Gentle Cheerfulness of a Grateful Heart
Join this wonderful and inspiring thread and share what you’re most thankful about this time of year.
The antidote to anxiety is a grateful heart.
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